Bad Mommy

I have never claimed to be the best mother. But I do try to be the best mother for Abi that I can be. Lately, that hasn't felt like it has been happening. I always hear women say how they are a better mother when they work. This is NOT how I feel. This week was my first week working full time at my job. I now go in at 4 and come home around 1am. Sean gets up with Abi and then wakes me around 9. I know this new schedule will taking some adjusting and getting use to...but right now I hate it. I don't feel like a better mom...I feel like a horrible mom. I feel like I don't have enough time to complete anything. If I clean I feel like I should be playing with Abi. If I am playing with Abi I am thinking about all the other "stuff" I should be doing. And God forbid I sit down while she is napping and zone out and watch some TV...I berate myself later about how irresponsible that was of me. Not to mention my poor husband. We truly are passing ships it seams like. During the day our main conversation is me giving him the run down of Abi's day and what is needed as I head out the door. At night we talk on my 1/2hr lunch and mostly it is about his night with Abi and what will happen the following morning. I hate this life right now. I kick myself for "jinxing" myself in basking in my stay at home mommyhood just months ago.
And the caper for this funk I find myself in...I poisoned our daughter. So Sean will shoot that down, but try as he may, it is true. I will spare you most the details but I called our DR. due to some "unusual" poops our sweet girl had. After some digging and actually using my brain we discovered that Abi was getting too much iron. I had never heard of iron poisoning...you? Well it's real and apparently you can die from it...lovely! Abigail is fine. No major harm to her was done that we can see. But still...it doesn't do much for my feeling of "lacking". I love my sweet girl more then she will ever know and she brings us so much joy...I just hate feeling like she isn't getting my best. So no, right now I do not feel like me working makes me a better mommy, and I hate that. Blagh!!!